Friends.

So i dont have a Bestest friends. Like a person who considers me there bestest over everyone else. I hate it. Im not even anyones second best friend. No one trust me but yet i dont really do anything to have anyone not trust me? I use to be close to so many people but for some reason when i get people really close they meet new people and dont care about me anymore, ive been replaced by three people i considered my best friends in the last couple months. And now im becoming someone that well isnt me, because im afriad to be myself anymore that people wont like me and i will loose all my friends, ive had it done ones, in eigth grade i lost almost all my friends except like five and i dont want it to happen again.

ive fucked up.

wow i've fucked up big. && no one cares.
im loosing friends. people dont trust me anymore.
i cry all the time. && i have asked for help.
ive been told by so many people to go talk to someone.
but that someone doesnt wana talk?
oh and im never really happy anymore,
and no one has really noticed.
have you not seen i havent been wearing a smile,
and laughing all the time, like i use to do.
im sick of my life.
i just want to go back to summer and
fix everything, so my life doesnt end up being like this.
and just because i miss my past with a passion
all i want it to go back, and one other thing :]
so all the people i fucked up to,
you really have no clue how sorry i am.
i wish it never happened. i cant take it anymore.
please forgive me and let it go.

sitting in 1ts block.

so im sitting in first block all done looking up shit for the project and i have a half an our to do um nothing.
i havnt wrote in this is a while! but thats okay. i probably should be studding for gay exams considering i have a D+ in this class. um so im excited for fridays game. but after is ganna be even more fun! bonfire at my house! um yep. i freakin hate how everything is blocker on these computers. well i guess im going to go study now peace :]

10-7-08

hehe i missed volleyball today. not on purpuse. my dad and sister were at work so it wasnt my fault there were no cares home. but i dont care because my team is so dramatic and cliquey. yeahh. i cant wait till basketball season starts, i miss it!!!! i dont think im ganna keep doing blogs cause no one comments mine. unless you leave me comments today :] but i prbly will do them like once a week or somthing?

Monday, October 06, 2008

today was boring and slow. i took a nice long nap :]
i sat at the computer for ever uploading pictures...boring!

end of a great weekend :]

got to say best weekend in forever.
im freakin tired. and i was busy as hell, this is the first time i got to sit down and not get ready for anything this whole weekend while i am home. the dance was so freakin fun :] but i got to say dinner was way better and omg i bet i know have like 500 new inside jokes. sarahs house was funnnn :P but once i turned the light off i was out. everyone at the volleyball game was like dead it was quiet funny, and we would of beat this one team if we werent so out of it.

my weekend.

so yesterday i had to go without internet cause it wasnt working :O hah.
and today is going to be insanely busy. i got to shower clean my room for ritas party then at 2, i have to go get my hair done. then go shopping for food for like sarahs house so we can have well lots of food :] and then i got to pack my bags for her house. get all my shit around. at four i got to be at marissas and then 5:45 we are leaving for buffalo wild wings. then the dance is at 8..blahh till 11? then sarahs house after that. then the next day i have to leave sarahs at like 12, cause i have a game at christ the king at one and three? then straight after that im going to my cousins bday party :] eek i cant wait! this weekend is like super fun. exspecially last night :P so umm text me if you want to talk?

i want you back more than ever.

today was okay. volleyball was funn :]
i am now going with the group i want to go with :]
im excited.
im tired of people telling me stuff that they here, okay yeah i have a problem with believing people way easily, not good. so i believe it and then sometimes it not true...ugh i hate it. so stop telling me shit you here unless you have the facts straight.
why does it have to be so freakin cold. last year i wore shorts to the volley for the cure game, this year im sitting there in jeans and had my north fae on one fourth of the time. ughhh.

ohhh &&. i miss you all the time. when you left today the second u started walking to the bus i missed you alot and i didnt want you to go. i miss everything!

this is pointless.

okay so i totally cant trust my friends anymore, i can only trust my best friends. well part on that.
i love how if you tell somone something, they have to go tell everyone, and then people start hating on you.
i love how my best friends and do shit with out my back and my other best friends have to tell me about it. yeah, the person has no idea im talking about them, but i dont want to start any fights.

im not looking forward to any thing about homcoming..well not till sarahs house at night. i dont have a ride to courtneys, or a ride to applebees, i have no one to hang with while im there cause they all got there own people, so megan is tryin to come with me, but we will need more cars.

my mom has a cow over the gayest things, like running all the way to lyons. okay yeah ill shut up now im tried of righting since i just did a freakin essay for hoffman. byee

shes a lady.

today was a good day :]
i went to school..gay but whatever. dylans-wauseon/get tags/taco bell/walmart/cc.
then came home for 15 minutes. went to c.y.o. mass. then practice. now im finally home. practice was freakin fun today :] people were actully joining me in there little cliques and shitt.
no practice tomorrow thanks god :] but i have track and then kelseys house.
blahh i got lots of hmwk to do so byeee.

9-29-08

so i have no idea what im doing for homecoming since our group decided to slipt.
i dont know where im meeting, i dont know where im going fro dinner. i dont know anything till after homcing. i know im going to sarah meyers after. so yeah i keep asking people whats going on and they give me adittude, cool, um yeah. NOT. but i will try to figure it out tomarrow, and if i have to wait till friday night when im with colleen marissa and sarah, then maybe then, cause i wanna do whatever they do.

so yeah. buttttt i got nothing else to sayy.

oh i got to go buy minutes tomarrow after school. or i will be out. :O

someone leave me comments.

today was a good day. i was in a great mood :]
so my life is going better. idk y, but ever since my hc date said he did want to go with me i have been extremely happy. odd i know. um but im glad im not going with anyone cause um like almost all my friends are going single and that would be stupid going with a date cause i would be like the only one. soo yeah i think only like three people out of our whole group have a date.


the only thing that bothered me is how gay my volleyball team is.
they are so mean to people who arnt that pretty. i think thats stupid and they should stop judging people. but yeah. idc anymore cause im not doing volleyball next year cause this year or team turned into stuck up freaks and people who talk behind your back. i miss the old team.

9-27-08

im going to edit this all day...

so i have learned i guess i really dont know who my true friends are, and whos here for me, but im learneing. i know who four of them are. i dont really know who i am anymore, i use to but not anymore. im starting to care to much. im starting to care what people say about me. what people think about me. why people dont like me. all thse things i use to not care about.
im sick of fighting, its one of my least favorite things to do. i with it would stop. i have cried everyday this week...i know i get emotial way easily. oh well its better than not crying and holding it in.
i have decided i dont want a homecoming date anymore. i just wanna go with me friends. so if my homecoming date ends up not going threw with it, im not mad. i really dont like the whole dance thing, i dont think i have ever liked dances. well expt at weddings with my cuzs when i was little those were so fun.
im sick of this acting happy thing. cause really in the inside im dying. i want to go back to april and may when i was completely happy with my life, and i didnt care what people thaught of me. i was happy and never cried. i had so many close friends i could turn to. i miss summer were almost every weekend i was with my best friends. i cant wait till volleyball season is over so i can do things with my friends. i havnt had a weekend of us four since the day before the 1st day of school. ahh that day was my favorite. and i really need one. im so freakin stressed out about everything.
im sick of loosing best friends. im loosing two of them right now. and i cant take any of this anymore. i wanna go back and make sure this doesnt happen. i miss freshman year so much. it was my favorite. well 2nd semester. i loved everyclass for somthing. i miss gym. even tho i always got in trouble. it was so freakin fun. i made A LOT of memories in it. i miss band, band last year was the best, there wasnt anyone who annoyed me, well not as bad as this year, we were actully good, and i had fun in it. I miss lunch, spin the bottle everyday, and then the dinos, and we had so many inside jokes, our table was the best. I miss mr. lurings, i cried from laughing so hard everyday and my abs would hurt to. there was so many inside jokes. Mr. Luring is my all time fav teacher. i miss math. partners everyday with courtney, and then sitting next to sarah, omg freakin fun. he didnt care if you copied or anything. i miss track, it was so fun pole valting, and not having to run anything since i was pole valting and in relays. meets were the best.
this school year freakin sucks. i hate it. i have no slack off class. none of my classes are that great. the freshman are so annoying, more annoying then we were. im loosing to many friends.
what i hate most is i cant talk to my friends about my prblms, cause they have never been in the situsation im in. there advis doesnt help i know they are trying, but it doesnt do me much good. i wish just once something would happen in my favor and not the oppisite. i could go for a good long cry right now, but that isnt ganna help me, i sitll feel like shit inside.
All i know is i need to have a talk with a certain someone, i think that will help me feel a little better inside.
i guess i wrote enough for now. but im sure ill be back at it today.

hi.

wow. kayy. im so freakin tired. and pissed.
my computer is being mega slow.
band was fun today. thanks for my three bestest friends :]
we all decided the only thing fun about the homecoming dance was before it and after, i dont even wanna go to the dance. my dates kinda ignoring me and yeah, i need him to fill out a paper and theres no way thats ganna happen cause i wont see him till homecoming.
i want it to be after homecoming at sarahs house right now, cause i miss the weekends with just us four!
i get mad and pissed super easily, idk if its just the season cause i was like that last year at this time, but its getting annoying, cause i fight with my friends and i hate it. i have really short bullshitt tolerance lately. i wanna give up on something, but i know i cant and i if were to try it wouldnt work cause i tried it before.

um i miss all my best friends a lot, and i havnt got to hang out with them in forever. yepp.
okay im tired and going to bed good night!

Eek.

so today was and iffy day.
um well actully the only thing i enjoyed today was Spanish class. highlight of my day right there, i made the class laugh for at least 10 minutes all together. my abs killed from laughing by time the class was over. our class has like three new inside jokes :P it made me miss Mr. Luring's class.
but other than that my day was kinda crappy. my friends totally got mad at me, but they got over it.

my family totally makes me feel special! NOT. um they forgot all about me and so i didnt go to volleyball today cause they all went to my brother football and no one came home to take me to volleyball.oh well i freakin hate volleyball and want to quit!

ive noticed ive been so stressed out im starting to be a bitch to everyone. i get into fights with a lot of people for the stupidest reasons. i hate it. so im apologizing ahead of time.

ohh today Grey's Anatomy starts a new season! im so flippen excited!

today was a good day :]

so today was the best day for far this week.
seemed like people who i didnt think cared about me are starting to. like alot of people im not close to asked me how i was today. idk but it made me smile.

band is getting better now that im not really with the clarinets, im with the tubas and flutes, i dont have to lissen the the annoying freshman i march next to. well i guess thats only for one song, but still im thank ful im not by them :]

the bus is actully starting to be fun, the freshman got into so much trouble already this year, that if they annoy us anymore there permant seat will be in the front of the bus, so now they like shut up and its amazing :] and then megan and chelsea just make the bus fun, oh and i guess evan when he rides.

i had to skip track today because i cant even barley walk. um me trying to get up and down the stairs today, well lets just say colleen was laughing at me.

um so overal todays been goodish? well best day out of this crappy week :]

wow today was gay.
i love having people tell me things one of my best friends cant.
even tho those things made me cry, and it wasn't cute cause i hate crying in public. so it was weird cause everyone was giving me hugs..which i love but all the attention was on me, and for once i didnt like that. and then um yeah, i was afriad a teacher was going to ask whats wrong and i was going to have to talk about it with them, that wouldnt of been fun. um i would just like to say thanks for hurting me, this time was way worse that the other ones, and i hurt everywhere inside and i really wanna talk about it for the milionth time i know you dont but plz.

ohh and then volleyball today i wanted to cry. as if my legs arent sore enough and i can barley walk. everytime i would miss a ball my team would like get so pissed at me, okay i was having a bad day doesnt mean you all have to hate me for it. i could here them talking about me and i hate it cause they all have bad days in volleyball and i dont go and talk behind there back. but what i hate most about volleyball is i dont fit in with any groups there so im kinda just by myself. i mean yeah i have friends there, i have quite a few but they go with there cliques and i have no cliques there, so it sucks trying to find someone to play pepper with or just hang with during break.

so i have realized i have developed a horrible eating habit. i never eat anything good for me in a while. well actually i have but not much lately. all i eat is junk food or Popsicle. and i don't eat that mush i need to stop, and then i never have a lunch cause i hate walking to the microwave. plus there is always a line, gayyy. so yeah thaught i will share that. im trying to fix it tho.

um ill stop here cause i dont feel like typing. and i need to get back to my IMs.

what a day.

Fun day today?
notttt.
more like worst day. so i have this prblm that needs fixing but no, ive tried and tried, but the person wont talk about it with me. so much for being my so called best friend. but it has gotten so bad its all i think about and its hurting more and more each second. i just wanna talk about it to the person. no one else but i guess it has to go the other way around?

so me and nicole (my cuz) were catching up today and we were guessing somthing and we both guessed it at the some time with our 1st guess. damn i hate that person....not nicole. um i love how i use this to vent? man i have prblms.

okay well after weight lifting today my legs killed so bad i couldent walk in them. and what does steel do...make us run around the schools. that was the hardest lap in my life things to my legs.
ohh and then rita leaves me at school so i have to call my mom and tell her to pick me up cause rita couldnt wait two more minutes and take me home.

peace.

yay!!

So i decided to get a blog thingy cause everyone else is and yeah.
I have a volleyball game today and i don't wanna go to it. so i think next year I'm not playing volleyball, plus I've missed like more than half the practices this year with fair and being sick.