im going to edit this all day...
so i have learned i guess i really dont know who my true friends are, and whos here for me, but im learneing. i know who four of them are. i dont really know who i am anymore, i use to but not anymore. im starting to care to much. im starting to care what people say about me. what people think about me. why people dont like me. all thse things i use to not care about.
im sick of fighting, its one of my least favorite things to do. i with it would stop. i have cried everyday this week...i know i get emotial way easily. oh well its better than not crying and holding it in.
i have decided i dont want a homecoming date anymore. i just wanna go with me friends. so if my homecoming date ends up not going threw with it, im not mad. i really dont like the whole dance thing, i dont think i have ever liked dances. well expt at weddings with my cuzs when i was little those were so fun.
im sick of this acting happy thing. cause really in the inside im dying. i want to go back to april and may when i was completely happy with my life, and i didnt care what people thaught of me. i was happy and never cried. i had so many close friends i could turn to. i miss summer were almost every weekend i was with my best friends. i cant wait till volleyball season is over so i can do things with my friends. i havnt had a weekend of us four since the day before the 1st day of school. ahh that day was my favorite. and i really need one. im so freakin stressed out about everything.
im sick of loosing best friends. im loosing two of them right now. and i cant take any of this anymore. i wanna go back and make sure this doesnt happen. i miss freshman year so much. it was my favorite. well 2nd semester. i loved everyclass for somthing. i miss gym. even tho i always got in trouble. it was so freakin fun. i made A LOT of memories in it. i miss band, band last year was the best, there wasnt anyone who annoyed me, well not as bad as this year, we were actully good, and i had fun in it. I miss lunch, spin the bottle everyday, and then the dinos, and we had so many inside jokes, our table was the best. I miss mr. lurings, i cried from laughing so hard everyday and my abs would hurt to. there was so many inside jokes. Mr. Luring is my all time fav teacher. i miss math. partners everyday with courtney, and then sitting next to sarah, omg freakin fun. he didnt care if you copied or anything. i miss track, it was so fun pole valting, and not having to run anything since i was pole valting and in relays. meets were the best.
this school year freakin sucks. i hate it. i have no slack off class. none of my classes are that great. the freshman are so annoying, more annoying then we were. im loosing to many friends.
what i hate most is i cant talk to my friends about my prblms, cause they have never been in the situsation im in. there advis doesnt help i know they are trying, but it doesnt do me much good. i wish just once something would happen in my favor and not the oppisite. i could go for a good long cry right now, but that isnt ganna help me, i sitll feel like shit inside.
All i know is i need to have a talk with a certain someone, i think that will help me feel a little better inside.
i guess i wrote enough for now. but im sure ill be back at it today.
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